SpongeBob's Big Win and Bigger Oops

It was the most amazing Tuesday in SpongeBob SquarePants' entire life, because after 1,258,056 attempts, he had finally done the impossible.

"I PASSED! I PASSED! I PASSED!" SpongeBob screamed, waving his brand new boating license in the air as he ran through Bikini Bottom.

Mrs. Puff was sitting in her office with a bag of ice on her head, muttering, "I can't believe it actually happened. He parallel parked. He used his turn signals. He didn't crash into a single building."

SpongeBob burst through the doors of the Krusty Krab, still waving his license. "Mr. Krabs! Squidward! Look what I got!"

Mr. Krabs glanced up from counting money. "That's nice, boy. Now get back to work."

But Squidward looked more closely at the piece of paper. "Wait a minute. Is that... is that actually a real boating license?"

"YEP! I'm officially a licensed driver! I can drive boats and cars and submarines and maybe even flying machines!"

"Flying machines aren't boats, SpongeBob," Squidward said automatically, but he was distracted. He'd been in an unusually good mood lately because his side job teaching clarinet lessons had been going surprisingly well.

"You know what, SpongeBob? This calls for a celebration," Squidward said with a rare smile. "Especially since I just earned enough money from my clarinet students to buy something I've always wanted."

"What's that, Squidward?"

"A boat! A beautiful, sleek, sophisticated boat for weekend trips and peaceful sunset cruises."

SpongeBob's eyes lit up like jellyfish. "A BOAT?! Can I see it? Can I touch it? Can I smell it?"

"You can look at it," Squidward said proudly. "It's a lovely Mazda marine cruiser with a diesel engine, leather seats, and a built-in sound system for my clarinet music."

After work, Squidward led SpongeBob and Patrick (who had wandered over when he heard shouting) to the marina, where a gleaming white boat sat bobbing in the water.

"Wow!" SpongeBob gasped. "It's beautiful!"

"It's very boat-shaped," Patrick observed wisely.

Squidward puffed up with pride. "Yes, well, it's the result of months of hard work teaching tone-deaf students how to play simple scales."

That's when SpongeBob got one of his ideas. "Hey Squidward! Want to make a bet?"

Squidward raised an eyebrow. "What kind of bet?"

"I bet I can make 60 Krabby Patties in one hour!"

"SpongeBob, that's impossible. Even for you. The fastest you've ever gone is 45 patties in an hour."

"But I feel extra speedy today! If I can do it, will you let me and Patrick take your boat out on a jellyfish trip?"

Squidward thought about this. There was no way SpongeBob could make 60 perfect Krabby Patties in 60 minutes. It was mathematically impossible. "Fine," he said smugly. "But when you lose, you have to wash my boat every weekend for a month."

"Deal!"

The next day at the Krusty Krab, word had spread about the bet. Mr. Krabs set up a timer, and a crowd gathered to watch SpongeBob attempt the impossible.

"Ready, SpongeBob?" Mr. Krabs called out.

SpongeBob tied his spatula to his hand, put on his lucky hat, and took a deep breath. "I'm ready!"

"GO!"

What happened next was like watching a yellow tornado of burger-flipping excellence. SpongeBob moved so fast he was practically a blur, flipping patties, assembling buns, adding pickles and sauce with the precision of a master chef and the speed of a race car.

"20 patties!" someone called out after 20 minutes.

"40 patties!" after 40 minutes.

Squidward was starting to look nervous.

With just five minutes left, SpongeBob had made 55 patties. The crowd was going wild, and even Squidward was cheering despite himself.

"60! 60! 60!" everyone chanted.

In the final minute, SpongeBob somehow managed to make 5 more perfect Krabby Patties, collapsing dramatically as the timer hit zero.

"60 PATTIES!" Mr. Krabs announced. "SpongeBob wins!"

"I can't believe it," Squidward muttered. "Well, a bet's a bet. You and Patrick can take the boat out tomorrow."

The next morning, SpongeBob and Patrick were practically vibrating with excitement as Squidward showed them how to operate his precious boat.

"Now listen carefully," Squidward said seriously. "This is a diesel engine. That's very important. When you need fuel, make sure you ask for DIESEL, not regular gas. Do you understand?"

"Diesel!" SpongeBob repeated. "Got it!"

"Weasel!" Patrick said confidently.

"No, Patrick. DIESEL."

"Pretzel!"

"Just... SpongeBob, you're in charge of the fuel," Squidward sighed.

The jellyfish trip was absolutely wonderful. SpongeBob and Patrick spent hours watching jellyfish dance through the water, and SpongeBob even managed to catch a rare blue jelly.

But on the way back to Bikini Bottom, the boat started making coughing noises.

"Uh oh," SpongeBob said, looking at the fuel gauge. "Patrick, we need to stop for fuel."

They pulled into a floating gas station, and SpongeBob hopped out confidently. "Fill her up with gas, please!"

"Wait," the attendant said. "What kind of boat is this?"

"A Mazda!" SpongeBob said proudly.

"Hmm, looks like a diesel engine to me. You sure you want regular gas?"

"Oh yes!" SpongeBob said. "Gas for the Mazda boat!"

Patrick nodded sagely. "SpongeBob knows about boats. He has a license."

The attendant shrugged and filled up the tank with regular gasoline.

They were about five minutes away from the marina when the engine started making very strange noises. First it went "putputput," then "CLANG-CLANG," then "WHOOOOSH."

"SpongeBob," Patrick said nervously, "is the boat supposed to be smoking?"

SpongeBob looked back at the engine, which was indeed producing an alarming amount of black smoke. "I don't think so, Patrick."

That's when the boat exploded.

Not a dangerous explosion, more like a cartoon explosion with lots of smoke and funny noises. When the smoke cleared, SpongeBob and Patrick were floating safely in their life jackets, but Squidward's beautiful boat was now a collection of charred, floating pieces.

"Oops," said SpongeBob.

Several hours later, Squidward was in his house practicing clarinet when he heard a loud THUMP outside his front door.

He opened it to find a pile of blackened, twisted metal pieces that used to be his boat, with a note attached:

"Sorry about your boat, Squidward! We learned that Mazda boats don't like regular gas. Who knew? - SpongeBob and Patrick

P.S. The jellyfish trip was AMAZING! Thank you!"

Squidward stared at the charred remains of his beautiful boat. His eye twitched. His tentacles shook. And then, surprisingly, he started to laugh.

"Well," he said to himself, "at least now I have a good reason to teach more clarinet lessons."

From inside the pile of boat pieces, he could hear SpongeBob's muffled voice: "Did we mention we caught a really pretty blue jellyfish?"

Squidward chuckled and went back inside to practice his clarinet, already planning his next boat purchase. This time, he'd put "DIESEL ONLY" stickers all over it.

The End.